Right now I’m sitting in my living room floor, Indian style
and hunched over the computer screen that is sitting on my lap. I'm in blue
boxer shorts and a Battlestar Galactica t-shirt. My reddish blonde hair is
messed up despite me having tried to pat it down after my shower (it's getting
longer and to the stage where it's impossible to deal with). In my DJ style
Headphones I’m listening to a local rapper named Big Chef.
So I'm sitting here trying to develop a mixtape to help me
zero in on certain aspects of the different characters I'm working with in
novel. I know to some of you that may seem rather weird but I assure you it
helps with my personal process. I find music to be the ultimate creative
catalyst for me when it comes to writing- it allows me to tap into the voice of
the characters by imagining the style or type of music they listen to. Looking
back on my notes from when I began writing I've always worked this way. In my
plan sheets I had the usual shit of height, weight age color etc. but then I'd
always have 'music' listed underneath all that.
In the case of Farcry I've mainly been working with the
album Music for the People by Vast. It's what I listened to when I first began
writing the original passages (the ones I’ve posted here) and it's allowed me
to get into Pete's mind frame of his discussing his drug addictions and guilt
over his inability to save his girlfriend. It's given Pete a voice.
Then last night I began plotting out the actual death scene
of Melanie (if you read my stuff then you know she's dead) and the VAST music
wasn't working for what I was going for. So I went to random and the first song
it played set what I needed. The song was Within Temptation's Jillian (I'd Give
My Heart) and (despite it being a female singer) it felt like the words were
the character Pete discussing his loss and grief.
(Lyrics)
I've been dreaming for so long,
To find a meaning to understand.
The secret of life,
why am I here to try again?
Will I always, will you always
See the truth when it stares you in the face?
Will I ever, will I never free myself
By breaking these chains?
I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul.
I'd turn it back, it's my fault.
Your destiny is forlorn,
Have to live till it's undone.
I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul.
I'd turn it back and then at last I'll be on my way.
Jillian our dream ended long ago.
All our stories and all our glory I held so dear.
We won't be together
For ever and ever, no more tears.
I'll always be here until the end.
Yeah when I heard the lyrics I heard Pete, him talking and
discussing the events surrounding Melanie's death and his pining for her back,
his guilt that his actions directly affected her life and eventual death. So
with these lyrics in mind I went at re-writing the scene and the result, to me
at least, is much fuller of emotion than what I had prior- which felt more of a
stating of events with an announcer than an actual peek into a broken man's
soul.
For those who've asked whether I'll stick with this or
abandon it all I have to say is this: I'm definitely sticking with this novel,
at this point in my life I need to finish this. I need to prove to myself I can
write a coherent novel with a decent plot and writing. I've found that there's a
lot of old ideas and characters coming out in this one who I thought were lost
or I'm reimagining in this. I feel my general writing ability is stronger and
I'm able to carry things further than simply list a series of events. In other
words I’m more confident. And I guess it's all you need, right?
